A man and his ten-year-old son were on a fishing trip miles
from home. At the boy's insistence, they decided to attend the
Sunday worship service at a small rural church.
As they walked back to their car after the service, the father
complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The
sermon was boring, and the singing was off key."
Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good
for a dime."
The WC story and more is a site with clean christian humor for the whole family.
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Oct 31, 2009
Oct 28, 2009
The Shave by Grace
After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a
small Southern town decided he had enough. He told his wife
that he intended to let the local barber shave him each day. He
put on his hat and coat and went to the barber shop, which was
owned by the pastor of the town's Baptist Church. The barber's
wife, Grace, was working that day, so she performed the task.
Grace shaved him and sprayed him with lilac water, and said,
"That will be $20."
The man thought the price was a bit high, but he paid the bill
and went to work. The next morning the man looked in the
mirror, and his face was as smooth as it had been when he left
the barber shop the day before.
Not bad, he thought. At least I don't need to get a shave every
day. The next morning, the man's face was still smooth. Two
weeks later, the man was still unable to find any trace of
whiskers on his face. It was more than he could take, so he
returned to the barber shop.
"I thought $20 was high for a shave", he told the barber's
wife, "but you must have done a great job. It's been two weeks
and my whiskers still haven't started growing back."
The expression on her face didn't even change, expecting his
comment. She responded,
"You were shaved by Grace and once shaved, always shaved!"
~Author Unknown~
small Southern town decided he had enough. He told his wife
that he intended to let the local barber shave him each day. He
put on his hat and coat and went to the barber shop, which was
owned by the pastor of the town's Baptist Church. The barber's
wife, Grace, was working that day, so she performed the task.
Grace shaved him and sprayed him with lilac water, and said,
"That will be $20."
The man thought the price was a bit high, but he paid the bill
and went to work. The next morning the man looked in the
mirror, and his face was as smooth as it had been when he left
the barber shop the day before.
Not bad, he thought. At least I don't need to get a shave every
day. The next morning, the man's face was still smooth. Two
weeks later, the man was still unable to find any trace of
whiskers on his face. It was more than he could take, so he
returned to the barber shop.
"I thought $20 was high for a shave", he told the barber's
wife, "but you must have done a great job. It's been two weeks
and my whiskers still haven't started growing back."
The expression on her face didn't even change, expecting his
comment. She responded,
"You were shaved by Grace and once shaved, always shaved!"
~Author Unknown~
The Shave
After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a
small Southern town decided he had enough. He told his wife
that he intended to let the local barber shave him each day. He
put on his hat and coat and went to the barber shop, which was
owned by the pastor of the town's Baptist Church. The barber's
wife, Grace, was working that day, so she performed the task.
Grace shaved him and sprayed him with lilac water, and said,
"That will be $20."
The man thought the price was a bit high, but he paid the bill
and went to work. The next morning the man looked in the
mirror, and his face was as smooth as it had been when he left
the barber shop the day before.
Not bad, he thought. At least I don't need to get a shave every
day. The next morning, the man's face was still smooth. Two
weeks later, the man was still unable to find any trace of
whiskers on his face. It was more than he could take, so he
returned to the barber shop.
"I thought $20 was high for a shave", he told the barber's
wife, "but you must have done a great job. It's been two weeks
and my whiskers still haven't started growing back."
The expression on her face didn't even change, expecting his
comment. She responded,
"You were shaved by Grace and once shaved, always shaved!"
~Author Unknown~
small Southern town decided he had enough. He told his wife
that he intended to let the local barber shave him each day. He
put on his hat and coat and went to the barber shop, which was
owned by the pastor of the town's Baptist Church. The barber's
wife, Grace, was working that day, so she performed the task.
Grace shaved him and sprayed him with lilac water, and said,
"That will be $20."
The man thought the price was a bit high, but he paid the bill
and went to work. The next morning the man looked in the
mirror, and his face was as smooth as it had been when he left
the barber shop the day before.
Not bad, he thought. At least I don't need to get a shave every
day. The next morning, the man's face was still smooth. Two
weeks later, the man was still unable to find any trace of
whiskers on his face. It was more than he could take, so he
returned to the barber shop.
"I thought $20 was high for a shave", he told the barber's
wife, "but you must have done a great job. It's been two weeks
and my whiskers still haven't started growing back."
The expression on her face didn't even change, expecting his
comment. She responded,
"You were shaved by Grace and once shaved, always shaved!"
~Author Unknown~
Oct 26, 2009
FOR THE SICK
During a service in the church, Jimmy told his father that he wants to throw up.
His father replied to Jimmy, "Go to bathroom, it is outside of the chapel." Then Jimmy went back faster than his father expected. His father asked, "Did you find the bathroom?"
Jimmy said, "No, daddy...but I did that whenever I saw a box right outside the chapel saying 'For The Sick'."
His father replied to Jimmy, "Go to bathroom, it is outside of the chapel." Then Jimmy went back faster than his father expected. His father asked, "Did you find the bathroom?"
Jimmy said, "No, daddy...but I did that whenever I saw a box right outside the chapel saying 'For The Sick'."
Oct 22, 2009
Arms of another man's wife
We were traveling one summer in the Pocono Mountains and, like a good Presbyterian family, attended church while we were on vacation.
One lazy Sunday we found our way to a little Methodist church. It was a hot day, and the folks were nearly drowsing in the pews. The preacher was preaching on and on, until all of a sudden he said, "The best years of my life have been spent in
the arms of another man's wife." The congregation let out a gasp and came to immediate attention. The dozing deacon in the back row dropped his hymnbook.
Then the preacher added, "It was my mother."
The congregation tittered a little and managed to follow along as the sermon concluded. I filed away this trick in my memory, since it was such a great way to regain the congregation's attention. The next summer, on a lazy Sunday, I was preaching and the flies were buzzing around and the ushers were sinking lower and lower in their seats in the back row until I could hardly see them.
Then I remembered our experience in the Pocono Mountains, and I said in a booming voice, "The best years of my life have been spent in the arms of another man' s wife."
Sure enough, I had their attention. One of the ushers in the back row sat up so fast he hit his head on the back of the pew in front of him. I had them.
But you know something, I forgot what came next . All I could think to say was, "And for the life of me , I can' t remember her name! "
One lazy Sunday we found our way to a little Methodist church. It was a hot day, and the folks were nearly drowsing in the pews. The preacher was preaching on and on, until all of a sudden he said, "The best years of my life have been spent in
the arms of another man's wife." The congregation let out a gasp and came to immediate attention. The dozing deacon in the back row dropped his hymnbook.
Then the preacher added, "It was my mother."
The congregation tittered a little and managed to follow along as the sermon concluded. I filed away this trick in my memory, since it was such a great way to regain the congregation's attention. The next summer, on a lazy Sunday, I was preaching and the flies were buzzing around and the ushers were sinking lower and lower in their seats in the back row until I could hardly see them.
Then I remembered our experience in the Pocono Mountains, and I said in a booming voice, "The best years of my life have been spent in the arms of another man' s wife."
Sure enough, I had their attention. One of the ushers in the back row sat up so fast he hit his head on the back of the pew in front of him. I had them.
But you know something, I forgot what came next . All I could think to say was, "And for the life of me , I can' t remember her name! "
FOOL!
A minister arrived at his office one Monday morning to find a note
had been slipped under the door. Drawing a single sheet of paper
from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "FOOL".
The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have
written letters and forgot to sign their name.
"But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name
and had forgotten to write a letter."
had been slipped under the door. Drawing a single sheet of paper
from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "FOOL".
The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have
written letters and forgot to sign their name.
"But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name
and had forgotten to write a letter."
The Fatted Calf
Over at Fortitude Holiness Tabernacle, Dexter Rice, the Sunday School teacher, was telling his class the story of the Prodigal Son. Wishing to emphasize the resentful attitude of the elder brother, he laid stress on this part of the parable.
After describing the rejoicing of the household over the return of the wayward son, Dexter spoke of one who, in the midst of the festivities, failed to share in the jubilant spirit of the occasion. "Can anybody in the class," he asked, "tell me who this was?"
Nine year old Olivia Crombie had been listening sympathetically to the story. She waved her hand in the air. "I know!" she said beamingly. "It was the fatted calf."
After describing the rejoicing of the household over the return of the wayward son, Dexter spoke of one who, in the midst of the festivities, failed to share in the jubilant spirit of the occasion. "Can anybody in the class," he asked, "tell me who this was?"
Nine year old Olivia Crombie had been listening sympathetically to the story. She waved her hand in the air. "I know!" she said beamingly. "It was the fatted calf."
Explain GOD
One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things here on earth.
He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way, He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk, He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.
God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV on account of this. Since He hears everything, not only prayers, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off.
God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere, which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your parent's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.
Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.
Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.
His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore, He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important, of course
You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to hear you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the times.
You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong! And, besides, the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.
If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids. But you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you.
I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases. And that's why I believe in God."
--Written by Danny Dutton, age 8, from Chula Vista, California.
He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way, He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk, He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.
God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV on account of this. Since He hears everything, not only prayers, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off.
God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere, which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your parent's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.
Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.
Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.
His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore, He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important, of course
You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to hear you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the times.
You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong! And, besides, the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.
If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids. But you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you.
I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases. And that's why I believe in God."
--Written by Danny Dutton, age 8, from Chula Vista, California.
Oct 20, 2009
A DONKEY'S TALE
A Texan preacher wanted to raise some money for his church; hearing that there was a lot of money in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse. However, horses proved to be too expensive for his small budget, so he ended up buying a donkey instead. Figuring he had nothing to lose, the preacher decided to enter the donkey in the horse race, in which, to his astonishment, the donkey came in second place!
The next day's headlines in the Daily Racing Form read:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
Encouraged by the donkey's strong beginning, the preacher entered the donkey in the races again.This time the donkey won, inspiring the headline,
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
Meanwhile, the bishop had gotten word of these outrageous headlines and decided that this kind of publicity was not good for his parish. So, he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any more races.
Next day the headlines read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
Needless to say, the bishop was not pleased with this, so he told the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher obliged, giving it to a convent.
The headlines following this read:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
Well, this made the bishop angrier than ever, and he ordered the Mother Superior at the convent to sell the animal. She sold it to a farmer for $10.
The headlines proclaimed:
NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS
The bishop died upon reading this headline. The day after his death, the headlines read:
TOO MUCH ASS RESPONSIBLE FOR BISHOP'S DEATH
The next day's headlines in the Daily Racing Form read:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
Encouraged by the donkey's strong beginning, the preacher entered the donkey in the races again.This time the donkey won, inspiring the headline,
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
Meanwhile, the bishop had gotten word of these outrageous headlines and decided that this kind of publicity was not good for his parish. So, he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any more races.
Next day the headlines read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
Needless to say, the bishop was not pleased with this, so he told the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher obliged, giving it to a convent.
The headlines following this read:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
Well, this made the bishop angrier than ever, and he ordered the Mother Superior at the convent to sell the animal. She sold it to a farmer for $10.
The headlines proclaimed:
NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS
The bishop died upon reading this headline. The day after his death, the headlines read:
TOO MUCH ASS RESPONSIBLE FOR BISHOP'S DEATH
Oct 14, 2009
The WC Story
Sometime ago, an English school teacher, looking for rooms in a small town in Switzerland, asked the local school headmaster to make recommendations. He showed her several different places and she finally settled on a small but charming cottage not far from the town center.
However, on her way home, it occurred to her that she didn't notice a Water Closet ("WC"), so she immediately sent an email to the headmaster to ask if there was a WC in or near the cottage.
On receiving the email, the headmaster was troubled, because he was not totally familiar with many English abbreviations. He then decided to ask his friend, the local parish Priest, for assistance. After considerable discussion and deliberation, they concluded that the lady was referring to a "Wayside Chapel" (a place of worship), so they sent her the following reply:
"I am delighted to inform you that the WC is situated only 2 miles from the cottage you rented, and it is set amongst a beautiful grove of trees with wonderful scenery, and it is capable of seating up to 250 people, however there is also standing room for another 100 people. In fact, sometimes it is so busy, we actually have people standing outside the open doors peering inside to observe the various proceedings inside !
The WC only opens on Wednesdays and Sundays and I hope this will not inconvenience you if you are used to going more regularly. On the other hand, I'm sure you will be pleased to know that many people even bring their lunch with them and make a day of it, while others who cannot spare so much time often arrive by car just in time. I would highly recommend that you visit the WC on Sundays, as there is always an organ accompaniment. With such huge pipes, the sound quality is truly excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard audibly by everyone.
It may interest you to know that my daughter was married in our WC and it was actually there that she met her husband ! I remember the day quite well, because there was a rush for seats and there were 12 people sitting where only 10 would usually sit, and it was wonderful to see the expressions of happiness on their faces.
My father has been a regular visitor to our WC since he was a young boy, and he recently donated a bell to commemorate the 50th anniversary of his first visit, and the bell rings every time somebody enters the WC. A bazaar will be held during the time of your visit in order to raise funds to help to upgrade the seating, as some residents feel the seats are somewhat hard and uncomfortable in their present state.
My wife, who is rather delicate, can't attend as often as she would like. It has been six months since her last visit and I can assure you this situation pains her greatly.
Anyway I shall be delighted to reserve a seat for you next to me in our WC during your visit.
With my warmest regards,
Peter.
PS: Remember to bring your camera, as I am sure you will want to keep a memento of your visit to our WC. If you don't have a camera, do not worry, as our newspaper editor attends every session of the WC and he usually publishes selected photographs in our town newspaper "The Sentinel".
However, on her way home, it occurred to her that she didn't notice a Water Closet ("WC"), so she immediately sent an email to the headmaster to ask if there was a WC in or near the cottage.
On receiving the email, the headmaster was troubled, because he was not totally familiar with many English abbreviations. He then decided to ask his friend, the local parish Priest, for assistance. After considerable discussion and deliberation, they concluded that the lady was referring to a "Wayside Chapel" (a place of worship), so they sent her the following reply:
"I am delighted to inform you that the WC is situated only 2 miles from the cottage you rented, and it is set amongst a beautiful grove of trees with wonderful scenery, and it is capable of seating up to 250 people, however there is also standing room for another 100 people. In fact, sometimes it is so busy, we actually have people standing outside the open doors peering inside to observe the various proceedings inside !
The WC only opens on Wednesdays and Sundays and I hope this will not inconvenience you if you are used to going more regularly. On the other hand, I'm sure you will be pleased to know that many people even bring their lunch with them and make a day of it, while others who cannot spare so much time often arrive by car just in time. I would highly recommend that you visit the WC on Sundays, as there is always an organ accompaniment. With such huge pipes, the sound quality is truly excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard audibly by everyone.
It may interest you to know that my daughter was married in our WC and it was actually there that she met her husband ! I remember the day quite well, because there was a rush for seats and there were 12 people sitting where only 10 would usually sit, and it was wonderful to see the expressions of happiness on their faces.
My father has been a regular visitor to our WC since he was a young boy, and he recently donated a bell to commemorate the 50th anniversary of his first visit, and the bell rings every time somebody enters the WC. A bazaar will be held during the time of your visit in order to raise funds to help to upgrade the seating, as some residents feel the seats are somewhat hard and uncomfortable in their present state.
My wife, who is rather delicate, can't attend as often as she would like. It has been six months since her last visit and I can assure you this situation pains her greatly.
Anyway I shall be delighted to reserve a seat for you next to me in our WC during your visit.
With my warmest regards,
Peter.
PS: Remember to bring your camera, as I am sure you will want to keep a memento of your visit to our WC. If you don't have a camera, do not worry, as our newspaper editor attends every session of the WC and he usually publishes selected photographs in our town newspaper "The Sentinel".
Oct 11, 2009
Dividing Souls
There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence.
Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you." He knew what it was. "Oh, my God!" he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!"
He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come quick!" he said, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The old man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is!" After several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery and heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth! Let's see if we can see the Devil himself." Shivering with fear, they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy!
Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you." He knew what it was. "Oh, my God!" he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!"
He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come quick!" he said, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The old man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is!" After several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery and heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth! Let's see if we can see the Devil himself." Shivering with fear, they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy!
Dirty Water
A Mother decided it was time that her three sons get baptized. So, after weeks of suitable instruction one bright Sunday morning they were on their way to church where the three boys, 8, 9, and 11, would have their sins washed away.
The 9 year old was particularly pensive that day, and when she asked him what he was thinking about, his reply was in the form of a question. "Mom, I want to go first." "Why?"
"Because, I don't want to be baptized in water that has all of my brother's sins floating around in it."
The 9 year old was particularly pensive that day, and when she asked him what he was thinking about, his reply was in the form of a question. "Mom, I want to go first." "Why?"
"Because, I don't want to be baptized in water that has all of my brother's sins floating around in it."
Oct 9, 2009
CHRISTMAS BULLETIN BLOOPERS
CHRISTMAS IS:
When the coir is in demand.
When there’s a gong in the air.
When people decorate houses with holy lives (holly leaves)
When things can become a Massy affair.
When people feel stable without visiting one
When people feel fruitful eating cake
When people forget & forfeit.
When you can get roses cooked and luck roasted.
When every missy gets very dressy
When one can say ‘Marry Christmas’ and get away with a kiss.
When one feels pretty starry
When everyone gives others a treat
And each has a Christmas “free” in His house.
When the coir is in demand.
When there’s a gong in the air.
When people decorate houses with holy lives (holly leaves)
When things can become a Massy affair.
When people feel stable without visiting one
When people feel fruitful eating cake
When people forget & forfeit.
When you can get roses cooked and luck roasted.
When every missy gets very dressy
When one can say ‘Marry Christmas’ and get away with a kiss.
When one feels pretty starry
When everyone gives others a treat
And each has a Christmas “free” in His house.
Oct 7, 2009
The Christian Barber
There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."
Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."
Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you..........Are you ready to die?"
Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."
Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you..........Are you ready to die?"
Childs First Prayer
A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer.
For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo.
The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end.
"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail . . . "
For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo.
The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end.
"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail . . . "
Oct 6, 2009
Children of Israel
At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period. "Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out."
"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. Right?"
"Right."
"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
"Er--right."
"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again, you're right."
"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doin' somethin' important. Right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So, what's your question?"
"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What were all the grown-ups doin'"?
"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. Right?"
"Right."
"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"
"Er--right."
"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again, you're right."
"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doin' somethin' important. Right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So, what's your question?"
"What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What were all the grown-ups doin'"?
BRAVE SOUL AT HEAVEN"S GATE
A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Pete is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did anything really good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a giant group of KKK Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em, torturing this chick. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the KKK Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"
St. Peter, impressed, says, "Really? When did this happen?" "About two minutes ago."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a giant group of KKK Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em, torturing this chick. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the KKK Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"
St. Peter, impressed, says, "Really? When did this happen?" "About two minutes ago."
Oct 4, 2009
Bulletin Bloopers 2 ( 21-40)
21. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
22. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
23. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
24. 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
25. A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
26. Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
27. Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
28. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
29. Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
30. Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
31. The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
32. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
33. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
33.This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
34.Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
35. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
36. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
37. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to>> come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
38. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
39. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
40. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
22. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
23. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
24. 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
25. A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
26. Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
27. Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
28. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
29. Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
30. Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
31. The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
32. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
33. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
33.This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
34.Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
35. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
36. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
37. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to>> come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
38. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
39. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
40. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Bulletin Bloopers, 1 (1-20)
1. The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11
2. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
3. Eight new black choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.
4. Weight Watchres will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
5. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
6. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
7. Evening massage - 6 p.m.
8. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
9. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
10. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
11. Ushers will eat latecomers.
12.The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
13. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
14. The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
15. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
16. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
17. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
18. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
19. Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
20.The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
2. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
3. Eight new black choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.
4. Weight Watchres will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
5. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
6. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
7. Evening massage - 6 p.m.
8. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
9. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
10. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
11. Ushers will eat latecomers.
12.The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
13. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
14. The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
15. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
16. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
17. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
18. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
19. Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
20.The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
Baptism: Kid Style
An old time minister loved to tell about when he came home and heard voices singing, "Shall We Gather At The River". He tip-toed along the hedge fence until he could see where it came from. A dozen of his grandchildren were sitting by the small pool in the backyard and one grandson was standing in the pool getting ready to baptize one of his cousins. In an almost perfect imitation of his grandfather, he asked: "Do you confess your sins?" "I do', replied the cousin. "Then," said the grandson, "I baptized thee in the name of the Father and of the Son and into the hole-ye-go".
Against the Odds
A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.
He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Joe again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.
Once again, he prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself:
"Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."
He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Joe again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well".
Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.
Once again, he prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself:
"Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."
Army of The Lord
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service.
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service.
Absent Minded Altar Boy
Renfrew was the most absentminded altar boy Father O'Malley had ever seen. But Renfrew meant well, and the clergymen decided to give him one more chance to prove himself. "At mass tomorrow, I will come to a point where you'll hear me sing, "And God's angels lit the candles." When I say that, you're to light the candles in the back of the church. Is that understood?" Renfrew said it was, and that night both the priest and Renfrew prayed for his success.
The next day Father O'Malley conducted mass in front of a full congregation. At last his rich baritone sang out, "And God's angels lit the candles!" Nothing happened and he said again, "And God's angels lit the candles!" Still the candles remained unlit, and once more he boomed, "And God's angels lit the candles!" From behind the last pew Renfrew's small voice carried across the room. "And your dog pee'd on the matches!"
The next day Father O'Malley conducted mass in front of a full congregation. At last his rich baritone sang out, "And God's angels lit the candles!" Nothing happened and he said again, "And God's angels lit the candles!" Still the candles remained unlit, and once more he boomed, "And God's angels lit the candles!" From behind the last pew Renfrew's small voice carried across the room. "And your dog pee'd on the matches!"
ABC's of Prayer
A grandfather was walking past his young granddaughter's
room one night when he saw her kneeling beside her bed,
with head bowed and hands folded, repeating the alphabet.
"What are you doing?" he asked her.
She explained, "I'm saying my prayers, but I couldn't think
of just what I wanted to say. So I'm just saying all the
letters of the alphabet, and God can put them together
however he thinks best."
room one night when he saw her kneeling beside her bed,
with head bowed and hands folded, repeating the alphabet.
"What are you doing?" he asked her.
She explained, "I'm saying my prayers, but I couldn't think
of just what I wanted to say. So I'm just saying all the
letters of the alphabet, and God can put them together
however he thinks best."
TOP 15 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock
- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. - Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of hard labor for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. - David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though=). - David (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
15. A wife?...NOT! - Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock
- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. - Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of hard labor for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. - David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though=). - David (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
15. A wife?...NOT! - Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
Oct 3, 2009
Top Ten Sayings of Biblical Mothers
10. Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don't know where it's been! (Judges 14:5-9)
9. David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!
8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!
7. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego! Leave those clothes outside, you smell like a dirty ol' furnace!
6. Cain! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!
5. Noah! No, you can't keep them! I told you, don't bring home any more strays!
4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at your clothes! (Judges 6:11)
3. James and John! No more burping contests at the dinner table, please. People are going to call you the sons of thunder! (Mark 3:17)
2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?!
1. Jesus! What do you think, you were born in a barn?
9. David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!
8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!
7. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego! Leave those clothes outside, you smell like a dirty ol' furnace!
6. Cain! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!
5. Noah! No, you can't keep them! I told you, don't bring home any more strays!
4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at your clothes! (Judges 6:11)
3. James and John! No more burping contests at the dinner table, please. People are going to call you the sons of thunder! (Mark 3:17)
2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?!
1. Jesus! What do you think, you were born in a barn?
10 Things You Never Hear in Church
1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
10 Reasons You Should Tithe
10. Your church started a new stewardship drive -- every time you give, your chances of winning increase!
9. The choir has started wearing their bathrobes during the service.
8. The last few Sunday's the Treasurer has gotten up half way through the service and turned the lights off.
7. The Preacher has worn the same suit every Sunday for the past three years.
6. The Deacons are starting to drool and growl as they collect the offering!
5. The offering plates have been sold and replaced with brown paper packets.
4. The Treasurer has started wearing sackcloth and ashes!
3. You tried to call the Church Office last week but found that the phone's been disconnected!
2. Parking meters had to be installed in the church parking lot.
1. As a Christian you understand the privilege it is to have a partnership in the Gospel!
9. The choir has started wearing their bathrobes during the service.
8. The last few Sunday's the Treasurer has gotten up half way through the service and turned the lights off.
7. The Preacher has worn the same suit every Sunday for the past three years.
6. The Deacons are starting to drool and growl as they collect the offering!
5. The offering plates have been sold and replaced with brown paper packets.
4. The Treasurer has started wearing sackcloth and ashes!
3. You tried to call the Church Office last week but found that the phone's been disconnected!
2. Parking meters had to be installed in the church parking lot.
1. As a Christian you understand the privilege it is to have a partnership in the Gospel!
10 Reasons why Many Preachers are Bald or Balding
1. Out of consideration for God! Matthew 10:30 says that God numbers every hair on our heads, so they think that they will make His job easier!
2. The gleam from their foreheads makes them look angelic while preaching.
3. The last hairpiece the preacher had flew off while he was making a particularly forceful plea from the pulpit.
4. Youth group, 'nuff said!
5. Three boys, double 'nuff said
6. People were always mistaking them for models, so they had their hair surgically removed!
7. "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life." So they figured gray and bald was even better!
8. Hey, when they repent, they REPENT! (Isaiah 22:12)
9. They look at it as a sign that the old is being recreated as a less-hairy-more-Christ-like-new!
10. Paul teaches, "if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him" ( 1 Cor 11:14). So they figure no hair must really be an honor!
2. The gleam from their foreheads makes them look angelic while preaching.
3. The last hairpiece the preacher had flew off while he was making a particularly forceful plea from the pulpit.
4. Youth group, 'nuff said!
5. Three boys, double 'nuff said
6. People were always mistaking them for models, so they had their hair surgically removed!
7. "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life." So they figured gray and bald was even better!
8. Hey, when they repent, they REPENT! (Isaiah 22:12)
9. They look at it as a sign that the old is being recreated as a less-hairy-more-Christ-like-new!
10. Paul teaches, "if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him" ( 1 Cor 11:14). So they figure no hair must really be an honor!
10 Little Christians
10 little Christians standing in line. 1 disliked the preacher, then there were 9.
9 little Christians stayed up very late. 1 overslept Sunday, then there were 8.
8 little Christians on their way to Heaven. 1 took the low road and then there were 7.
7 little Christians chirping like chicks. 1 disliked music, then there were 6.
6 little Christians seemed very much alive, but one lost his interest then there was 5.
5 little Christians pulling for Heaven's Shore, but one stopped to rest, then there were 4
4 little Christians each busy as a bee. 1 got his feelings hurt, then there were 3
3 little Christians knew not what to do. 1 joined the sporty crowd, then there were 2
2 little Christians, our rhyme is nearly done, differed with each other, then there was 1
1 little Christian can't do much 'tis true, brought his friend to bible study, then there were 2
2 earnest Christians, each won one more. That doubled the number, then there were 4
4 sincere Christians worked early and late. Each won another then there were 8
8 splendid Christians if they doubled as before. In just so many Sundays, we'd have 1,024
In this little jingle, there is a lesson true, you belong either to the building or to the wrecking crew!
9 little Christians stayed up very late. 1 overslept Sunday, then there were 8.
8 little Christians on their way to Heaven. 1 took the low road and then there were 7.
7 little Christians chirping like chicks. 1 disliked music, then there were 6.
6 little Christians seemed very much alive, but one lost his interest then there was 5.
5 little Christians pulling for Heaven's Shore, but one stopped to rest, then there were 4
4 little Christians each busy as a bee. 1 got his feelings hurt, then there were 3
3 little Christians knew not what to do. 1 joined the sporty crowd, then there were 2
2 little Christians, our rhyme is nearly done, differed with each other, then there was 1
1 little Christian can't do much 'tis true, brought his friend to bible study, then there were 2
2 earnest Christians, each won one more. That doubled the number, then there were 4
4 sincere Christians worked early and late. Each won another then there were 8
8 splendid Christians if they doubled as before. In just so many Sundays, we'd have 1,024
In this little jingle, there is a lesson true, you belong either to the building or to the wrecking crew!
Welcome to the all new Merry Heart website
This is the new look MH website. It will take a few weeks to get it upto steam, but i think that this new blog format will work very well.