CHRISTMAS IS:
When the coir is in demand.
When there’s a gong in the air.
When people decorate houses with holy lives (holly leaves)
When things can become a Massy affair.
When people feel stable without visiting one
When people feel fruitful eating cake
When people forget & forfeit.
When you can get roses cooked and luck roasted.
When every missy gets very dressy
When one can say ‘Marry Christmas’ and get away with a kiss.
When one feels pretty starry
When everyone gives others a treat
And each has a Christmas “free” in His house.
The WC story and more is a site with clean christian humor for the whole family.
Showing posts with label bulletin bloopers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bulletin bloopers. Show all posts
Oct 9, 2009
Oct 4, 2009
Bulletin Bloopers 2 ( 21-40)
21. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
22. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
23. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
24. 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
25. A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
26. Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
27. Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
28. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
29. Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
30. Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
31. The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
32. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
33. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
33.This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
34.Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
35. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
36. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
37. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to>> come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
38. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
39. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
40. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
22. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
23. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
24. 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
25. A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
26. Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
27. Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
28. On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
29. Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
30. Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
31. The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
32. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
33. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
33.This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
34.Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
35. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
36. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
37. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to>> come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
38. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
39. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
40. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Bulletin Bloopers, 1 (1-20)
1. The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11
2. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
3. Eight new black choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.
4. Weight Watchres will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
5. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
6. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
7. Evening massage - 6 p.m.
8. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
9. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
10. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
11. Ushers will eat latecomers.
12.The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
13. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
14. The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
15. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
16. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
17. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
18. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
19. Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
20.The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
2. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
3. Eight new black choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and the deterioration of some older ones.
4. Weight Watchres will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
5. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
6. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
7. Evening massage - 6 p.m.
8. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
9. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
10. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
11. Ushers will eat latecomers.
12.The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
13. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
14. The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
15. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
16. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
17. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
18. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
19. Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
20.The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
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