10. Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don't know where it's been! (Judges 14:5-9)
9. David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!
8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper!
7. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego! Leave those clothes outside, you smell like a dirty ol' furnace!
6. Cain! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!
5. Noah! No, you can't keep them! I told you, don't bring home any more strays!
4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at your clothes! (Judges 6:11)
3. James and John! No more burping contests at the dinner table, please. People are going to call you the sons of thunder! (Mark 3:17)
2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?!
1. Jesus! What do you think, you were born in a barn?
The WC story and more is a site with clean christian humor for the whole family.
Showing posts with label top 10. Show all posts
Showing posts with label top 10. Show all posts
Oct 3, 2009
10 Things You Never Hear in Church
1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!
8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.
9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
10 Reasons You Should Tithe
10. Your church started a new stewardship drive -- every time you give, your chances of winning increase!
9. The choir has started wearing their bathrobes during the service.
8. The last few Sunday's the Treasurer has gotten up half way through the service and turned the lights off.
7. The Preacher has worn the same suit every Sunday for the past three years.
6. The Deacons are starting to drool and growl as they collect the offering!
5. The offering plates have been sold and replaced with brown paper packets.
4. The Treasurer has started wearing sackcloth and ashes!
3. You tried to call the Church Office last week but found that the phone's been disconnected!
2. Parking meters had to be installed in the church parking lot.
1. As a Christian you understand the privilege it is to have a partnership in the Gospel!
9. The choir has started wearing their bathrobes during the service.
8. The last few Sunday's the Treasurer has gotten up half way through the service and turned the lights off.
7. The Preacher has worn the same suit every Sunday for the past three years.
6. The Deacons are starting to drool and growl as they collect the offering!
5. The offering plates have been sold and replaced with brown paper packets.
4. The Treasurer has started wearing sackcloth and ashes!
3. You tried to call the Church Office last week but found that the phone's been disconnected!
2. Parking meters had to be installed in the church parking lot.
1. As a Christian you understand the privilege it is to have a partnership in the Gospel!
10 Reasons why Many Preachers are Bald or Balding
1. Out of consideration for God! Matthew 10:30 says that God numbers every hair on our heads, so they think that they will make His job easier!
2. The gleam from their foreheads makes them look angelic while preaching.
3. The last hairpiece the preacher had flew off while he was making a particularly forceful plea from the pulpit.
4. Youth group, 'nuff said!
5. Three boys, double 'nuff said
6. People were always mistaking them for models, so they had their hair surgically removed!
7. "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life." So they figured gray and bald was even better!
8. Hey, when they repent, they REPENT! (Isaiah 22:12)
9. They look at it as a sign that the old is being recreated as a less-hairy-more-Christ-like-new!
10. Paul teaches, "if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him" ( 1 Cor 11:14). So they figure no hair must really be an honor!
2. The gleam from their foreheads makes them look angelic while preaching.
3. The last hairpiece the preacher had flew off while he was making a particularly forceful plea from the pulpit.
4. Youth group, 'nuff said!
5. Three boys, double 'nuff said
6. People were always mistaking them for models, so they had their hair surgically removed!
7. "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life." So they figured gray and bald was even better!
8. Hey, when they repent, they REPENT! (Isaiah 22:12)
9. They look at it as a sign that the old is being recreated as a less-hairy-more-Christ-like-new!
10. Paul teaches, "if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him" ( 1 Cor 11:14). So they figure no hair must really be an honor!
10 Little Christians
10 little Christians standing in line. 1 disliked the preacher, then there were 9.
9 little Christians stayed up very late. 1 overslept Sunday, then there were 8.
8 little Christians on their way to Heaven. 1 took the low road and then there were 7.
7 little Christians chirping like chicks. 1 disliked music, then there were 6.
6 little Christians seemed very much alive, but one lost his interest then there was 5.
5 little Christians pulling for Heaven's Shore, but one stopped to rest, then there were 4
4 little Christians each busy as a bee. 1 got his feelings hurt, then there were 3
3 little Christians knew not what to do. 1 joined the sporty crowd, then there were 2
2 little Christians, our rhyme is nearly done, differed with each other, then there was 1
1 little Christian can't do much 'tis true, brought his friend to bible study, then there were 2
2 earnest Christians, each won one more. That doubled the number, then there were 4
4 sincere Christians worked early and late. Each won another then there were 8
8 splendid Christians if they doubled as before. In just so many Sundays, we'd have 1,024
In this little jingle, there is a lesson true, you belong either to the building or to the wrecking crew!
9 little Christians stayed up very late. 1 overslept Sunday, then there were 8.
8 little Christians on their way to Heaven. 1 took the low road and then there were 7.
7 little Christians chirping like chicks. 1 disliked music, then there were 6.
6 little Christians seemed very much alive, but one lost his interest then there was 5.
5 little Christians pulling for Heaven's Shore, but one stopped to rest, then there were 4
4 little Christians each busy as a bee. 1 got his feelings hurt, then there were 3
3 little Christians knew not what to do. 1 joined the sporty crowd, then there were 2
2 little Christians, our rhyme is nearly done, differed with each other, then there was 1
1 little Christian can't do much 'tis true, brought his friend to bible study, then there were 2
2 earnest Christians, each won one more. That doubled the number, then there were 4
4 sincere Christians worked early and late. Each won another then there were 8
8 splendid Christians if they doubled as before. In just so many Sundays, we'd have 1,024
In this little jingle, there is a lesson true, you belong either to the building or to the wrecking crew!
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